someone's knocking on your door

rthko

ALT

I think we need to get serious about nuclear family abolition instead of the childfree meme culture of "we don't want your snot-nosed gremlins." I love kids. I love their joy, the insight of not yet being acclimated to capitalism and social norms. I had a certain naive wisdom as a kid, making crowns out of dandelions without knowing they were weeds. When my mom tried to explain gender reassignment surgery to me, expecting me to be repulsed, I instead blurted out "cool!".

But despite my love for children and sentimentality for my own childhood, I don't want to "have kids," as it's conventionally understood to mean, nor do most of my age peers. The expectation of children to be the property and sole responsibility of two parents (or as patriarchy would insist, one mother) is a cruel and unrealistic in any historical moment but especially the present. It is cruel, not just to people who don't want to be parents or shoehorned into heterosexual norms, but traumatic to the child. Surely we should know this better than anyone, and come up with a more mature response than just hating kids. There is a stark difference between this response and the queer legacy of mutual aid to support kids neglected by the nuclear family (the House Mothers of the ballroom community come to mind).

My issue with the childfree movement, as it exists online, is that it centers individual choice rather than a structural reevaluation of the family as we know it. We are told that queer life is purposeless and lonely, and that's without a genetic lineage we have no future. These arguments are in fact indictments of a system that has failed to produce collective visions of purpose, social fulfillment and futurity. None of us should be obligated to "have kids," nor tone down our culture or activism in their entirety to be "family friendly." But we should be driven by a desire to support those most disenfranchised by family norms instead of just hating them.

rthko

Prev tags: #i also incidentally think that #no criticism of the 'childfree' movement #is complete without acknowledging #the rampant misogyny in those circles

Seconding this because it's so true. I don't know where these people get off telling mothers or pregnant people "I'm not going to give you special treatment just because you let a man [sexual harassment]," or make fun of mothers for how hard it is to raise kids without adequate safety nets, parental leave, community support, or even their own husbands' support. They have a "sucks to suck" attitude towards parents almost similar to how pro forced birthers talk to pregnant people about the "consequences of sex." Legitimate feminist/queer critiques of the nuclear family are sympathetic to these struggles, and that to me is the difference between a political tendency and a meme.

rthko

It seems that with any other axis of oppression Tumblr understands that there are groups that benefit at the direct expense of others, but when it comes to sexism it's "wellll it's complicated." What used to be known as "the feminism website" is witnessing the movement's death by a thousand cuts of "nuance." Many on here don't see the gendered division of labor as a labor issue, or conceptualize violence against women the same way they conceptualize any other type of hate crime. I feel like we need to return to the most basic, entry level 2013 "feminism is good, women are oppressed, feminism can and must be compatible with trans issues" messaging because clearly not everyone here is even on that level.

abeer993

ROSE PRODUCER IN QAMSAR, IRAN

harrenhals

brienne of tarth is such an important character in asoiaf. she carries so much of the thematic weight of the books, especially her affc arc. every time i see someone calling asoiaf ‘grimdark’ and ‘cynical’ i just think they don’t know about brienne of tarth. they don’t know about i am coming for you lady sansa. be not afraid. i shall not rest until i’ve found you. they don’t know about she had no chance against seven, she knew. no chance, and no choice. wow. their lives must be so sad and empty

hockey has the “knights”. basketball has the “wizards”. baseball has the “pirates”. football has the “cowboys”. what could it all mean

blueboyluca

“When I first heard it, from a dog trainer who knew her behavioral science, it was a stunning moment. I remember where I was standing, what block of Brooklyn’s streets. It was like holding a piece of polished obsidian in the hand, feeling its weight and irreducibility. And its fathomless blackness. Punishment is reinforcing to the punisher. Of course. It fit the science, and it also fit the hidden memories stored in a deeply buried, rusty lockbox inside me. The people who walked down the street arbitrarily compressing their dogs’ tracheas, to which the poor beasts could only submit in uncomprehending misery; the parents who slapped their crying toddlers for the crime of being tired or hungry: These were not aberrantly malevolent villains. They were not doing what they did because they thought it was right, or even because it worked very well. They were simply caught in the same feedback loop in which all behavior is made. Their spasms of delivering small torments relieved their frustration and gave the impression of momentum toward a solution. Most potently, it immediately stopped the behavior. No matter that the effect probably won’t last: the reinforcer—the silence or the cessation of the annoyance—was exquisitely timed. Now. Boy does that feel good.”

— Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Secret History of Kindness (2015)

magnetothemagnificent

The world is so hostile to tweens.....

Like we joke about how our schools growing up would ban the latest toy trends, but that reality genuinely horrific when you think about it. Like maybe 1% of the bans were based on safety, but the rest cited reasoning like

-"kids were bartering for collectibles" (kids learning about economics and product value)

-"kids were wearing them and the colors were too flashy" (kids experimenting with self expression and fashion)

-"kids were playing with them during lunch and recess instead of using our rusted safety hazard playground" (kids utilizing their free time to do what helps *them* unwind).

Play areas specifically geared towards children and especially towards teens are constantly being shut down. "Oh kids today are always on their phones!" Maybe because

-there are barely any arcades left and even less arcades that aren't adult-oriented,

-public pools and gyms are underfunded and shut down,

-"no loitering" laws prevent kids and teens from just hanging out,

-movie theatres only play the latest films and ticket prices are only rising,

-parks and playgrounds are either neglected or replaced with gear only directed at toddlers and unsuitable for anyone older

-genuine children's and young teen media is being phased out in favour of media directed only at very small children or older teens and adults.

-suburbs and even cities are becoming more and more hostile to pedestrians, it's just not safe for kids to walk to or ride their bikes to their friends' houses or other play destinations

Children's agency is hardly ever respected. Kids between the ages of 9-13 are either treated as babies or as full-grown adults, with no in-between. When they ask to be given more independence, they are either scoffed at or given more responsibilities than are reasonable for a child their age.

This is even evident in the fashion scene.

Clothing stores and brands like Justice and Gap are either closing or rebranding to either exclusively adult clothing or young children's clothes, with no middle ground for tweens. Tweens have to choose between clothes designed for adults that are too large and/or too mature for their age and bodies, or more clothes they feel are far too childish. For tween girls especially it's either a frilly pinafore dress with pigtails or a woman's size dress with cleavage. No wonder tween girls these days dress like they're older, it's because their other option is little girl clothes and they don't want to feel childish.

And then when tweens go to school, the books they want to read aren't available because they cover "mature" topics (read: oh no two people kissed and they weren't straight or oh no menstruation was mentioned or oh no a religion other than Christianity is depicted), so kids are left with books for way below their reading level. No wonder kids today are struggling with literacy, it's because they can't exercise and expand their reading skills with age-appropriate books. Readers need to be challenged with new words and concepts in order to grow in their skills, only letting tween read Dr. Seuss and nursery rhymes doesn't let them learn.

Discussions about substance use, reproduction, and sexuality aren't taught at an age-appropriate level in school or even by children's parents, so they either grow up ignorant and more vulnerable to abuse, or they seek out information elsewhere that is delivered in a less-than-age-appropriate manner. It shouldn't be a coin-toss between "I didn't know what sex was until I was 18 and in college" or "my first exposure to sex as a tween was through porn" or "I didn't know what sex was so I didn't know I was being sexually abused as a kid."

Tweenhood is already such a volatile and confusing time for kids, their bodies are changing and they're transitioning from elementary to middle to high school. It's hard enough for them in this stage, but it's made worse by how society devalues and fails them.

We talk about the disappearance of teenagehood, and maybe that's gonna happen in the future, but the erasure of tweenhood is happing in real time, and it's having and going to have major consequences for next generation's adults.

antidisneyinc

finally a descriptor for whatever the fuck american animation studios have been doing for years